Dealing with Conflict

Where two or three are gathered, there is conflict.  Communities of people are wonderful things and provide countless blessings, yet these communities (church, school, sports, dance, drama, scouts, friends, games, etc) happen within a fallen and sinful world, and conflict is inevitable in communities

Jesus knew about this and gave people a way to respond to conflict in a healthy way.  Around St. John we call this the 'Matthew 18' way of dealing with a problem.  We're not referring to the entire chapter, but we focus on these three key verses:

Matthew 18:15-17
    15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

The first step is to go talk to the person one-on-one.  Most of the conflict all of us encounter could be avoided by following this.  This is not our natural tendency.  If 'Mike' was mean to me, I would want to first go tell all my friends, go tell my parents, talk about it at lunch with my friends, write about it on Twitter, and make sure everyone knows how mean Mike was to me.  It's hard to just go talk to Mike.  It's hard knowing that he might not listen to me.  It's also hard thinking that maybe he will listen and I won't have any reason to be upset anymore... As a friend, one of the most powerful questions you might need to ask is, "Did you tell her that?" or "Did you tell him that?"  This could avoid a lot of trouble.

Step two is to take one of two friends along.  Here is the hard part: if I have a problem with Mike, I should be taking one or two of Mike's close friends with me - not my close friends.  If I bring my friends, Mike will feel like I am ganging-up on him and it will be hard for him to listen.  If I tell Mike's friend and Mike's friend is now concerned about Mike as well, then there is really a reason to have a conversation with Mike.

The third step would be to take it to the church.  This doesn't translate all that well for us since our church groups are rather divided already with so many denominations.  At the time of Jesus there was one 'church,' one community of believers, and being inside or outside this group was a big deal.  For us this might refer more to a group that we feel a strong part of like the church, our school, our family, a group of friends, a team, dance, drama, scouts, or any group like that.  It would be hard to not be a part of our close group.

The final step says that we treat them like the pagans and tax-collectors, like someone who is outside the community.  That does not mean we laugh at them and mock them and say awful things about them... it means that we love them.  We want everyone who is outside of God's family to come in.  We need to love them.  We need to let our light shine (Matthew 5:16) so that they will ask about the hope that we have  (1 Peter 3:15).  They need love.

Conflict is best resolved with love.

Turning the Corner

There is a significant shift in Matthew chapter 16.  The author has been telling the story of Jesus' ministry of teaching, healing, and leading the disciples in various ways, but now he is focused on the real reason that he became flesh (John 1) to take on human form (Philippians 2).  Jesus came to die.

After spending a great deal of time with his disciples, Jesus asks them, "Who do people think that I am?"  Peter is quick to step up and answer with some popular rumors like Elijah, John the Baptist, or another prophet.  Jesus gets more personal by asking, "Who do you think I am?"  And Peter hits a home-run by declaring that he was the Christ, the Messiah, the Savior, the promised one from God. Maybe this encounter still echoed in Peter's mind when he wrote:

1 Peter 3:15
But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,

The interesting part of that verse is that it looks like the best evangelism, is not knocking on doors. Peter tells us to always be ready to give an answer.  An answer is only possible if someone asks a question.  The key, then, is to to live in such a way that people ask you that question; let your light shine so that they ask who your Heavenly Father is and give glory to Him (Matthew 5:16).

Now that Peter has affirmed the true identity of the Savior, Jesus proceeds to tell the disciples exactly what was going to happen to him.  This doesn't just happen in chapter 16, but it happens in the next chapter, too.  Jesus was warning them, but also giving them hope by reminding them how it needed to happen.  It had been in the Scriptures for many years.  800 years before Jesus was on the cross, Isaiah predicted the suffering that Jesus would have to endure.

Isaiah 53:4-5
 4 Surely he took up our infirmities 
   and carried our sorrows, 
yet we considered him stricken by God, 
   smitten by him, and afflicted. 
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, 
   he was crushed for our iniquities; 
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, 
   and by his wounds we are healed. 

It was his plan from the beginning.  He loves us that much.

It is an awesome opportunity to live with this hope that we have.

Matthew 14 & 15 Questions and Answers

14:1 What does tetrarch mean?
If the Roman Empire controlled a certain land and that land was divided into four regions, each of those regions was controlled by a governor or leader called a tetrarch. That leader was often from the local country, but obedient to Rome.

14:5 Why did Herod chop John's head off?
Herod disliked what John was saying and wanted to kill him, but didn't because the people he was ruling over liked John and thought he was a prophet. He finally did have John executed because of the request of Herodias made through her daughter after he had made a promise to the girl.

14:8 Why did the girl want John's head?
The girl was probably overwhelmed by the offer and wanted to ask mom. There were probably many things she was thinking about asking for, but she also wanted to make her mother happy, so she asked her mom, and her mom had a very specific request.  Not wanting to upset her mother, the girl asked for John's head.

14:8 Why did the mother want the platter?
That is a strange request. She probably didn't really want the platter, but it would mean that John had to really be dead, and that she would be able to see that he was dead (not just lied to about his death). I doubt that she ever touched the head or the platter.

14:12 Did John have disciples?
Yes! It was very common for good teachers/rabbis to have followers or disciples.  John the Baptists was a type of teacher or prophet, and he had some disciples like Jesus and other rabbis.

14:12 Why did John's disciples bury John the Baptists' body?
The head was given to Herodias, but his body was not.  John's disciples probably wanted to honor John as much as possible and give him a proper burial, even if his head had been removed. It would be the respectful thing to do - to bury John's body.

14:14 Why did Jesus have compassion on the crowds, feeding and healing them?
Luke 19:10 says that Jesus came to seek and save the lost. Matthew 9:13 says that Jesus desires mercy, that he came for the sick and not the healthy. The reason that Jesus came was to help people who really needed it. As Christians, it is important to remember that we need help because that is the only time that God is able to help us. It doesn't work as good when we try to do it on our own.

14:17 Why did they have 5 loaves and 2 fish when he fed the 5 thousand? Do the numbers stand for anything?
Some people think that the 5 loaves would represent the Torah, the 5 books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. Jesus responded to one of the devil's temptations by saying that people do not live on bread alone, but on the Word of God. The Word of God for the Jewish people was the Old Testament, especially the first five books of the Law. The two fish might represent the old covenant and the new covenant, the old way of offering sacrifices at the temple and the new sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.

14:19 It never says how Jesus made enough bread for the crowd. So how did he do it?
That is the miracle! Jesus could walk on water, heal injuries and diseases, and here he was able to multiply a small amount of food. Jesus was more than someone who was good at illusions - he was really able to preform miracles.

14:22 Jesus told the disciples to get into the boat. Why didn't He go with them?
Jesus spent a lot of time with God, so this was probably some of that solitary prayer time.

14:23 Why does Jesus always go to the most remote places to pray?
The most important thing Jesus did was be obedient to God. He didn't do anything that God did not want him to do. If he healed a person, it was because God wanted him to. If he went to a certain city, it was because God wanted him to. When he walked on the water, fed the 5,000, or did anything else, it was because God wanted him to.  How did Jesus know what God wanted him to do? He spent a lot of time in prayer with God in remote places.

14:26 Why did the 12 think Jesus was a ghost?
The disciples had never seen a regular human being walking on water, and they probably didn't think it was possible. The first alternative that came to their minds was that this was a ghost out on the water. It is interesting to think that people back in Jesus time talked about ghosts, too!

14:28 Why did Peter try to walk on water when he was just a man?
Jesus was a rabbi and Peter was a disciple. The main job of a disciple was to follow the rabbi wherever the rabbi would go, to be "covered in the dust of your rabbi's sandals" because the disciples are following the rabbi so closely and trying to do everything the rabbi does. Some people think that Peter wanted to follow his rabbi onto the water - to do what his rabbi does.

14:30 Why did Peter start to sink? Why was he discouraged and have such little faith?
In the next verse, Jesus asked Peter why he doubted and had so little faith. Peter probably went out because he trusted that his rabbi would be able to help him do this, but then started to doubt his own ability to really walk on water. When we trust in God, we are able to do the great things that he would like for us to do, but when we focus on ourselves, sometimes we get into trouble.

14:33 Why did the people on the boat say, "Truly you are the Son of God." even though they already followed him?
Many disciples followed rabbis or teachers during Jesus' time. The disciples probably thought Jesus was really great, but also saw him as a real human being. Sometimes they had moments like Peter who said that he had come to know and to believe that he was the Holy One of God in John 6:69, but sometimes they probably forgot and just thought of him as a regular guy. After Jesus died on the cross, many of the disciples were disappointed because they didn't realize that this was part of the plan. Jesus walking on the water was probably one of those moments when they really felt like Jesus was the promised one sent from God.

15:3 After the Pharisees asked Jesus why his disciples do not wash their hands before they eat. Then Jesus asks why do you break the commandment of God and starts talking about honoring your father and mother. How do they connect and why does Jesus say that?
The Pharisees were complaining about how Jesus' disciples were not following some laws about hand washing and eating; they thought they could make Jesus' group look bad if they were not good rule following Jews. Jesus begins asking them about rules. It's as if Jesus is saying, "Oh, while we're on the topic of rules, why don't you follow rules?" The Pharisees were famous for giving money to the temple, but it was done publicly to impress others, not really to give to God. The Pharisees loved doing this so much that they would take money that would be used to support their elderly parents and give it to the temple. Jesus said they should be better at the fourth commandment.

15:4 The verse said anyone who curses their father or mother must be put to death. Everyone has sinned, and this is probably one of their sins. Jesus said they were to be put to death. Why didn't they die?
In your Bible you might see that this was quoted from the Old Testament in Exodus and Leviticus. There were many laws that the Jews had and serious consequences for breaking those rules. One rule said that if you were working on the Sabbath, you had to be stoned. At least one person was actually stoned for working on Saturday! There was also a law that if you cursed your parents, you had to be killed. The reason that all these laws existed was to help create the community of the Israelites.  Those were God's people, and he wanted them to live a certain way, like parents who have rules in their homes. The 'cursing' is not a simple "Mom, I'm mad at you." This law was about children who were blatantly disobedient and mocked their parents in public, saying they would want their parents dead or worse. Those children were to be killed. Pretty serious stuff.

15:8 What does it mean that 'people honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me'?
This quotation from the book of Isaiah was describing a time when God was very frustrated with the Jewish people. They going through the motions of worshiping at the temple, but they did not love God. The reason people should worship God is because they want to, because their hearts are full of gratefulness to God. Jesus is reminding the Pharisees about God's frustration and saying the same thing about the Pharisees.  They cared more about what other people thought about them than God. They would rather impress other people with their worship than actually worship the true God.

15:11 What is Jesus saying in this verse?
The Pharisees were very focused on their rules and some of those rules were about what they should eat - the things that go into a person's mouth.  Jesus was saying that a person is not 'unclean' based on what they put into their mouth (like food), but what comes out of their mouth (like bad words and evil thoughts).  A person is not going to be bad for eating bacon, but a person is bad if they are saying lies about the people around them. Jesus wanted his disciples to think about what comes out of their mouths more than what goes into them.

15:13 What does he mean when Jesus says they will be pulled up by their roots?
This might be a reference the Parable of the Weeds in Matthew 13 where the weeds were planted next to the wheat. Jesus was saying that even though the Pharisees were not helping people grow closer to God, in the end these leaders will be torn from their religious position since their hearts are not devoted to the God they claimed to worship.

15:15 Why didn't Jesus explain the parable to Peter?
Jesus didn't explain the parable because what he said was not a parable. He was actually just trying to teach his disciples, not tell them a parable. The disciples were often confused by the challenging things that Jesus said, and this is a good example of their confusion.

15:16 What did Jesus mean when he said, "Are you still so dull?"
When Jesus called them 'dull' he was really calling them 'unintelligent' or even dumb. The disciples were asking him to explain a parable, but Jesus hadn't told them a parable, he was just talking. Since they didn't understand, though, Jesus goes on to explain himself in the following verses.

15:22 What does it mean when a person is demon-possessed?
It's not very common here in the United States or among Christians, but some people have been possessed by demons. Demons are very power spiritual beings, more powerful than humans. While it is scary to think that demons could do this, it is important to remember that God is more powerful than demons. If Jesus is in your heart and the Holy Spirit fills your life, then there is no room for a demon to come in and possess you. Stay connected to Jesus.

15:24 "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel." What does this mean?
Since the time of Abraham, God had a chosen people - the Israelites, the Jewish people. They were not chosen because they were better than other people, but chosen because they listened to God. Abraham listened to

15:26 Jesus tells the woman it is not right to take the children's bread and feed it to the dogs. What does that mean?
The Jews would sometimes call the gentiles (the non-Jews) dogs. Jesus was saying that he was sent to the Jewish community, so he shouldn't waste time with the non-Jews; he was sent to the children of Israel, not the gentiles. Instead of being upset, the woman humbly requested for crumbs and scraps that the dogs get while the children eat. Jesus honored her for her great faith.

15:31 If Jesus did not heal people, would they not follow Jesus?
There are many people in the world, and they are all different. Some people probably followed Jesus because he healed them.  Some might have followed because he changed water into wine or fed 5,000 with very little food. Some might have followed Jesus because of the amazing things that he said and taught. For all of those people, they could have seen Jesus as a popular person, almost like a fad. If they got bored, maybe they wouldn't follow Jesus anymore. Some people, like the disciples, followed Jesus because they knew he was the Holy One of God (like our memory verse says). Those people would follow Jesus even if it wasn't popular. May you be like the people who follow Jesus no matter what happens!

15:38 Why did Jesus feed the 4,000 and the 5,000 when he could have combined them together?
Many of the same people were probably following Jesus both times. In John we find out that many people left after Jesus fed the 5,000, so maybe that was why there were fewer people the second time.

Bread of Life

The only miracle that can be found in all four of the Gospels is the feeding of the 5,000.  It must have made a huge impact on the disciples and the church community.  The five loaves of bread that were used were probably less like the loaves of bread we buy at the grocery store and more like a thick pita-type bread.  It was uncommon for people to have an oven, and more common to have a large baking stone heated by fire, so by placing the dough on the large round stone they were able to get round loaves of bread.

http://www.mediterraneandiet.com

The two fish were probably a pan fish like Sunfish or Blue Gills, which are the most common fish in the Sea of Galilee.  On their own, two of those fish would not go far to satisfy 5 men - much less 5,000 men!

John's Gospel has an entire chapter devoted to this event, and it's quite a lengthy chapter.  In the book of John, Jesus confronts the crowds, claiming that the only reason they are following him is because they had full bellies.  Many wanted to make him king - what a powerful army someone would have if the leader would be able to feed thousands of soldiers so easily.  Jesus then challenged them with some confusing words:

John 6:35
Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

The people saw this as some type of metaphor, but Jesus later tells them that his flesh is real food and his blood is real drink (a foreshadow of the Lord's Supper that he would institute during passion week).  Because of his hard words, many left and did not follow Jesus anymore.  Jesus continues.

John 6:67-69

67 “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:67-69

The disciples were more faithful, willing to stay with Jesus because he was Jesus, not just because they liked the chef.  Peter speaks the truth when he responds with the question, "Where else could we go?"

Our lives are also filled with confusing situations, and it is often hard to know how to follow Jesus.  He wants us to be in the world, but not of the world.  He wants us to stay away from the world's darkness, and also be a light to a darkened society.  How are we best able to act boldly with faith and humbly with peace at the same time?  These are no small challenges, and Jesus calls us to follow him through it all.

Where else could we go?

The Real Treasure

What does it mean to follow Jesus?  In Matthew 8 we found out the "cost of following Jesus" when two people asked about being disciples; Jesus told them the high stakes of such a commitment.  This concept is boldly emphasized by Jesus in two of the parables told in Matthew 13.

Matthew 13:44-46
   44 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. 

   45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

The kingdom of heaven is not a trivial pursuit, not passing fad.  When a person finds the kingdom, they are willing to sell everything in order to have it.  This concept is repeated twice.

How much does it cost to follow Jesus?  When, you would be right if you said that there is no joining fee for the church.  Being a follower of Jesus does not cost you a certain amount of money.  God does not just want a little bit of you, though.  He wants all of you - all your time, abilities, talents, possessions - he wants it all.  Living for Jesus and not being tied to 'things' will free a person to live the way that Jesus intends.

So if you've given everything to God, what does he do with all of it?  Most of the time, he gives it back.  But when you get it back, you have a new perspective.  When I am willing to give my house to God, then I do not see it as my possession to protect but God's possession to use.  How do I use it?  Who do I invite?  How do I live as though this is really God's house which he has entrusted to me for a few years?

What about my money, my phone, my time... what would it look like to live as if those were all of God's things which I get to use for a while?  While the answer to that question might be hard and different for different people, I believe it is the right question to be asking.

But while this is a nice message, it is probably not the central message of this parable.  If you think through any of the parables (The Sower, The Good Samaritan, The Prodigal Son, The Lost Sheep, etc.), the main character is almost always Jesus.   Jesus is the man who sows good seed.  Jesus is the Good Samaritan who helps the injured Jew.  Jesus is the shepherd who finds his lost sheep.  Jesus is the guy who found a great treasure and gave everything to have that treasure, including his life.

And what is that treasure that he found?  That treasure is you. He gave all that he had to buy this treasure, even his life.  You are worth everything to Jesus!